Blood Relations Read online

  If I had the money I would have walked out of Walker’s taller than I was, wearing those black, knee-high square-toed mothers with the stainless steel tips. But I didn’t have the money for that yet so I bought the hat. The scoop-top Georgia straw hat with the brim bent all the way low to my nose in front and practically to the top of my shirt collar in back. I had to tilt my head back to see how I looked in the mirror, but that was fine because what I saw there looked cool, cooler ten thousand times than anything I’d ever seen there before, and the tilt of the head only made it look cooler.

  And it did make me taller too. I knew I’d shopped well when I went to leave the house with it on in the morning and Terry yelled from the table, “Yo, Buckeroo Buttlick, take that stupid-ass wastebasket off your head before you go outside and embarrass the whole family.”

  “Shut up, Terry,” Dad said in a dumb big whisper that I wasn’t supposed to hear but of course I did. “If you don’t talk about the damn stupid thing, he’ll take it off in a couple a days.”

  I didn’t answer them, because that was becoming one of my favorite things to do, not answering them. I marched out, slammed the door, and bounded down the stairs, knowing how much slicker, and taller, I was now.

  Until I saw Toy. As he watched me come up on the superette, he got up off his crate. I felt a big not-quite-cool grin open up my face but it was okay because the hat had it mostly covered. When I stood in front of him, I was ready to burst waiting for his comment.

  He slapped it right off my head.

  I stood, no longer smiling as I watched Toy kick the hat into the gutter. Water actually welled up in my eyes, even though there was no reason for it, none. He didn’t slap me, he wouldn’t do that, but he slapped the hell out of that hat. And I sort of expected a lot out of that hat. Expected a lot out of me in it. Expected a lot out of Toy.

  “You’re not me,” he said, stomping the hat. It half sounded as if he was addressing the hat, not me. “Don’t try to be me, don’t pretend to be me, don’t aspire to be me.”

  I had seen Toy be intense before, and even inexplicably strange. I hadn’t seen him be nuts before, though. His voice didn’t go up higher than usual, he didn’t rant, just stomp stomp stomped my new Georgia straw bent brim hat from Walker’s. I didn’t quite know whether to be more hurt or more afraid of him. I knew which way I felt, though. I turned to walk on to school.

  “Wait a minute,” he said.

  I waited, as he slowly picked the beat-up hat off the ground and walked toward me. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  But he didn’t give it back.

  He continued on to the trash barrel, dumped the hat inside. Then he came back to me, stuck a ten-dollar bill in my hand. The hat cost me twenty-five. And it would cost me a lot more if Terry ever got around to counting the gym bag full of one-dollar bills in the corner of his closet and found out I stole a fistful.

  “That should cover it,” Toy said. “I mean, I hope you didn’t pay more than that for that piece of crap.”

  I stuck the ten in my pocket. “No, come on, what do you think, I’m stupid?”

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He didn’t add anything like an explanation, but he’d already said sorry twice more than I would have expected. He stuck an obscenely fat cigar in my hand and sat back down on his milk crate. “Cuban,” he said as he lit one for himself.

  “Here, this is better for you anyway,” Ruben said, popping up and jamming his own hat on my head from behind.

  I spun to look at him.

  “Bueno,” he said, nodding several times and smiling his broad, no-front-teeth smile. “Wanna know what I think, you looked pretty stupid in that cowboy hat anyway.”

  “You were watching,” I said, feeling a new level of stupid.

  “Right over there,” he said, pointing to a mailbox across the street. “Thing is, Mike—”

  “Mick.”

  “Thing is, you gotta be a big persona to gedawaywit wearing something like that.” He pointed at Toy with his thumb. “This one, big. Beeeeeg persona. And you know what? Even he can’t gedawaywidit. Look like a big dope, don’t he?” Cruz laughed and walked up to Toy, who stuck out his hand. “¿Porqué, man? Acting all mental already, so early in the morning. Beating up on the guy’s sombrero?”

  They shook hard and Toy blew smoke in Ruben’s face, squeezing his hand harder and harder until Ruben’s knees bent. He didn’t make a sound, though, or ask Toy to stop.

  I took the hat off and checked it out. It was like an old man’s hat, a gray felt fedora with a black band. Inside was a bright yellow silk lining. The hat Ruben always wore. I fixed it back on my head.

  “It fits you nice,” he said, walking up to me to adjust it to about a forty-five degree backward tilt. “There you go. You know, you’re taller than me, but I do have this really big head. Everybody says so.” He bent down to give me the full on-top view of his head.

  “I see,” I said.

  “It’s good on you, Mick,” Toy said easily, like nothing had happened.

  “It feels good,” I said, sliding it off then on again.

  Ruben turned to Toy again. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” Then to me. “If you’re happy, I’m happy. The hat is yours.” He held out his hand. “Ten dollars.”

  “You were watching pretty close,” I said, pulling out the ten Toy’d just handed me.

  “All right,” Ruben laughed. “Now I can go out and buy me ten more a them cheap-ass hats.”

  To close the deal, Ruben pulled out his lighter and lit my cigar. Toy threw one to Ruben and soon we were all floating in a fog of Havana smoke.

  “Dios mío, this is freakin’ fantastic,” Ruben said, and they both nodded. They made moans and yumm sounds like they were munching chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. The first long pull tasted strong, bitter, but good, burning up inside my sinuses. Then I started going downhill. My stomach jumped, I got a headache, and the back of my mouth started watering uncontrollably, prevomit condition.

  “It’s almost time for school,” I warbled as I stubbed out the ash on the sidewalk. “I’m gonna save this for later.”

  I didn’t wait for any response. The two of them looked knowingly at each other, and I just started walking, weaving like a drunk toward the school, trying to hold it together. The street ahead floated in a heat-vapor wave, making me sicker. In a few seconds, they were there again, Toy on my left side, Ruben on my right, bumping me with their shoulders, keeping me up and steady. They knew. But they didn’t make me say it.

  By the time we reached the school, I was clearer. Not quite lifelike yet, but better. I still needed a minute of air before going into the school, which always smelled like wet smoke and oil paint anyway. Toy was going inside. He stopped to look me over again.

  “You look good,” he said, pointing at the hat, or maybe at my face. I reached up to rub my hot-then-cold temple, and the skin felt like the skin on old pudding left in the back of the refrigerator.

  “I do?” I asked.

  “You do. Cambio está bueno,” he said as he went in. “I’ll catch you later.”

  Ruben was still next to me. “What did he say?” I asked him.

  “He said you was a asshole.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Hey, you know, you done all right,” Ruben said. “Smokin’ on that big ol’ Cubano. You didn’t fall down or nothin’, so that was pretty good.”

  “Thanks again,” I said. “Listening to you is gonna give me a big head, the way you throw around compliments.”

  “Serious, Mark—”

  “Mick.”

  “Serious, that was a little kindova test, and you passed it all right. You might not turn out ta be such a stupid shit as you seem.”

  I didn’t suppose it was going to get any better than this, so I made my little pitch.

  “Listen, Ruben, man, I know we didn’t always get along too good, but I think we should put all that stuff in the past. All right with you?”

  “All right with me. Long�
��s you don’t turn out ta be no fool. You got a rep, man. As a big-time fool.”

  “Ya, well, that rep’s wrong.”

  “No it ain’t. I seen you be a fool. I seen you on TV. And if there’s anybody stupider than a ordinary fool, it’s somebody who be’s a fool on the TV.”

  The goddamn sonofabitch TV thing. Did I think that it went away? Did I think people forgot? Did I think that somehow, the day Baba cleaned my clock that he somehow cleaned everybody’s, wiping out all the time that came before then? Yes. I did think that. But every time I heard it mentioned again, I wished Baba or somebody could please come and hit me in the head again, and again, and again, so I wouldn’t have to hear it even once more.

  “Okay, man, the rep wasn’t wrong, exactly, but it’s out of date. I’m not that. Not now.”

  The bell screeched, calling us inside.

  “Okay,” Ruben said, shrugging, walking in.

  That was easy, I thought. So I swung for the fences. “You know, I’m kind of seeing your sister, so we might be seeing—”

  “My sister?” he asked, appearing shocked.

  “Ya, Evelyn. So—”

  “I ain’t got no sister Evelyn. I got a sister Juana.”

  “Juana?”

  “And listen, if you gonna wear the hat, you gotta button your shirt.” He stepped up and buttoned my shirt tight at the neck. Then he yanked the shirttail out of my pants. I looked like I was in the band Los Lobos. “Gotta let it hang, baby,” he said, stepping back to admire me. “Pants are too tight, and the shoes are all wrong, but you’s movin’ the right way.”

  “Okay, but about me and your sister—”

  “Forget it. My sista’s too ol’ for you. She don’t live around here anyway. Find somebody your own... style.”

  “I don’t want...” I said, but he ducked into a classroom as the bell rang. He had me confused, thinking more about Evelyn, wanting to talk to her. But I started toward class, and as I felt myself move, felt the collar grabbing at my neck, the hat sitting up there, the shirt hangin’, I lightened up. I swung when I walked. I felt a little different. Which is to say I felt good.

  Sully stared me naked as I walked down to the seat right in front of him. “What the hell happened to you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, turning my back to him.

  “Yes you do,” he said. “You’re all greased up. Like the spaniels. You a spaniel now, Mick?”

  I turned around in my seat. “Y’know, Sul, you’re a real ignoramus when you want to be.”

  “Hey, I may be an ignoramus, but at least I ain’t no pretend spaniel just to get a little face off some chick.”

  Even as he said it he looked like he was afraid, and he should have been. But he looked more angry, at me, for whatever.

  “Hey, Sul, remember when we were ten and you whipped that kid with the car antenna ’cause he was kickin’ my ass? Well, because you did that, I’m not killin’ you now. But remember, you only saved me that one time.”

  He gave me the cold fish eye. “So, what about next week, you gonna be an Indian with the war paint and feathers hanging down to yer ass?”

  I didn’t hit him. He knew I wouldn’t, which was why he could say stuff like that. But I didn’t talk to him either. I folded my hands like I always do when I’m sitting at a desk and I don’t know what else to do. In a minute, he spoke. He had no heart for the cold shoulder, just like he was too soft for most things.

  “Anyway,” he said in the same middle-of-nowhere voice that he says everything, “Honey’s gonna meet us after school. She’s gonna be outside. So tuck in your shirt and take that damn stupid greasy thing off your head.”

  This is why I had to start sort of ignoring Sully. I couldn’t tell anymore if he was deaf, or insane, or just completely stupid. I used to be able to tell. Used to be able to tell everything about him, more than he could himself. When we were six, eight, fourteen years old. Not so now though. It was like at this point he didn’t understand a thing I said. Like that I wanted no parts of his sister. So I was just going to have to leave him alone for a while. He’d get better again.

  I went the whole day without earning detention, and when the last bell rang I raced downstairs to wait at the door for Evelyn. In my new style. I couldn’t lose.

  I stood in the middle of the sidewalk at the foot of the school steps, so that the road out led to me. I could feel my look again, and it made me bold. I spread my feet wide, clasped my hands behind my back and waited. As students filed out, I sorted, mentally plucking and tossing aside every one who was not Evelyn.

  Then, one of them was Toy.

  “Sunglasses,” he said, walking right up to me and blocking my view. “You need some sunglasses to complete the look. Wayfarers, maybe.”

  “It’s not even sunny. It looks like it’s gonna rain, even.”

  He clicked his tongue at me, the way parents do. “You still need a lot of work, boy.”

  “I know, but can we work later?” I said, and pushed Toy out of my way. Pushed? Yes I did, I pushed Toy. When I realized what I’d done, I looked up at him with the right amount of fear and regret.

  Fortunately, what he dropped on me was a fatherly smile. “This must be love,” he said, backing up to sit on the steps. “It’s got to be love. It better be love.” He pointed a big finger at me then, but it sounded like he was more happy about it than mad.

  I waited, watching for her again.

  Ruben came bounding down the stairs. “¡Amigo!” he said, rushing up to me. I heard Toy laughing in the background. “You waitin’ for me? How sweet.”

  I looked beyond him, over his head for his sister. Where was she? “Don’t you have some other friends to play with for now?” I said. Not that I could really afford to be risking any myself.

  He was offended. “If I did, would I be hangin’ witchu?”

  “Mira,” Toy called, motioning Ruben to him. “I’ll tell you all about it.” They sat together, watching me, muttering and laughing. My new cool was quickly running out all over the sidewalk.

  All the other people I didn’t want to see passed, a lot of them checking me out and smirking. Baba thumped by, brushing me with his shoulder and tossing me a look that was like spit.

  Finally, finally, Evelyn emerged. A few strides behind her, a rotten freak of luck but the kind of luck I’m overblessed with, was Sully.

  Evelyn’s eyes widened, and I remembered my look. I straightened, spread the feet again, clasped the hands at the back again.

  “El Micko?” she said, then politely covered her mouth as she began to laugh at me again.

  “I’m going the hell home,” I said, to the background hum of Toy’s, Ruben’s, and Sully’s chuckles. It was only then she knew they were all there. She grabbed me by the hand, yanked me close to her.

  “Please, it was laughter of admiration, I promise.”

  Whatever the hell laughter of admiration is. But the words didn’t matter at all. What did matter was that her nose was pressed against the tip of my ear when she said it. Everything else washed away. Ruben for one and Sully for two didn’t seem to like that, at all. Toy mimed a little golf clap of approval.

  “Let’s go someplace,” I said. “Want to?”

  “Sure,” she said.

  I was nearly trotting, trying to get out of there. Evelyn pulled me back by the shirt. “Easy. Where you running to?”

  “No place,” I said. I saw that a few steps behind was Sully, following us. A few steps behind him were Ruben and Toy. “What you should have asked was what am I running from?” I said, pointing at the group.

  Evelyn turned. “Well, hello, boys. Mick, this is very impressive. You have an entourage. Are you a boxer? A president?”

  “I’m a fugitive,” I said, grabbing her hand and hurrying on. We had just started putting a little distance between us and them when we were stopped dead again. In front of the superette.

  “Yes, hello, Honey,” I said, like the air running out of a balloon. �
��Nice to see you too.”

  “Honey?” Evelyn said to me with arched brows. “Friend of yours?”

  “That’s her name. Honey, this is Evelyn. Evelyn, Honey.”

  While they shook hands and said their nice-to-meet-you’s, Sully caught up. “He did have an appointment, you know,” he said, taking his place beside Honey, looking at Evelyn as he talked.

  “He did?” Evelyn looked at me.

  “No. Sully, cut the shit.”

  “He was meeting my sister here,” Sully said, again to Evelyn.

  Toy and Ruben caught up, took their seats on the milk crates, and lit up.

  “Hey, I could leave,” Evelyn said. “I’ve got things to do anyway.”

  I would kill him over this. “Sul, man, I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here, but I’ll kick your balls through the top of your head if you don’t—”

  “Oh that’s pretty,” Evelyn said, drawing from Sully a small victorious smile. He was getting me to do his work for him.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m really not like that. I don’t know what—”

  “Listen,” Honey cut in. “We didn’t have no date or nothin’ special like that. I was just comin’ out ta meet the boys is all. Don’t let me get in the way. You two make a nice-lookin’ pair.”

  Sully turned tomato red. “Whatsa matter with you? You wanna be a old friggin’ maid or what?”

  Toy and Ruben started commenting from within their cloud. “Booo!” they called at Sully. “Booooo! Go home. You stink.”

  He was about to say more, not to them, but to Honey, when Evelyn headed him off. “That’s such a pretty name you have.” She hummed it, “Honey... Honey. It must be beautiful to hear it all day.”

  Honey looked down, then up at Evelyn, smiling a shy smile. She looked unsure whether to believe the compliment or not. She probably wasn’t used to it. Honey was what the local ladies referred to as “plain” when they were pretending to be kind. Plain. Stop-a-train plain. But she seemed to live with that okay and never turned nasty over it the way some people would. Just stayed, like her name, sweet all the time. What she did have, though, was a pretty unbelievable body, the whole tight, hourglass, nothing missing package, settled under that big unfortunate head. That sorry kind of girl who, you know, all the guys want to take on, but none of them want to take out. Which, I hear, is what happens to her a lot.